Over the weekend I went to my cousin's engagement party. This should be a fun affair - dancing, eating, drinking, dressing up and getting to catch up with the family. Fellow zebras/ other disabled people will probably be able to relate, but this for me was not quite the fun filled day. Don't get me wrong, I got to put on one of my Indian outfits, doll my face up, which is always a treat, especially as I normally look like a homeless person(!), buuut, fast forward to arriving at my cousin's house and that amusement quickly faded. I find myself being faced with climbing a mountain! aka the steps onto the coach. Now, me being me, i don't want to want to make a fuss so I scramble my way up with tremendous difficulty only to find my mum already sitting there with my sister. I'm suddenly flooded with emotions, such as anger, resentment, irritation and more and racing thoughts going through my head!
"Omg, they've just made themselves comfortable without a second thought to me!"
"Did they not to think to help?!" To be fair my mum arrived before me but when seeing me struggling to climb the stairs surely one would offer some sort of help.
My mum claims she was saving me a seat, maybe its me, but i find that hard to believe. This happened throughout the day - we were on and off the coach a few times and still no offering to help!
Couple days later, she tells me that I should of stayed on the coach (alone) instead of getting off, when the coach stopped off at the bride-to-be's house to take some gifts and meet. This filled my head with so many thoughts and emotions...
"Why are you telling me this now? You could have helped and actually suggested this on the day."
"So you wanted me to miss out on yet another thing in life, and sit there alone?"
The whole day was very long and exhausting, and although there were parts to the day that i enjoyed, I come back feeling annoyed and more importantly, in immense amount of pain. This led to a flare up which I am still in 6 days later; pretty much bed bound. My leg muscles are so weak that i cannot lift them to put one foot in front of the other to walk so i have to use my wheelchair or mobility scooter inside the house. - note: my house isn't that big so you can imagine how little i can move.
Going out and coming back in this kind of state is a normal occurrence for me. It always therefore begs the question as to whether i should even go to events or not. Should i participate in things only to have to 'pay' for it later... especially when 'non-disabled' people think that is the answer to your life's problem! "Just"... "don't go" or "stay inside", or hindsight's best friend, "but why did you"..."do that" or "go"....!
Well...BECAUSE I AM ALSO A HUMAN WHO WANTS TO ENJOY LIFE!
So when i saw a post from @disabled_eliza i automatically loved it, and felt like i had someone backing me for once! .... STOP SUGGESTING THAT DISABLED PEOPLE SHOULD "JUST STAY INSIDE"
Comments